WHAT YOU SEE VS. WHAT YOU KNOW

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I have been wanting to write this post ever since my platform and business took off this past summer!

I didn’t really push myself to launch my platform and business on a large scale until January 2019 so I am still new to this space - still navigating, still learning. Yet when I think about it, I have always known deep down that I was born to be an entrepreneur. While I have always known this about myself, up until this year it has been more of a vision and dream I had for myself vs. it being a reality. 

If you know me, you know I love a challenge. I love achieving something that is hard to reach. I get such a thrill from setting high goals for myself and then working my ass off to realize them. I feed off the adrenaline of stretching and testing myself and in many ways this is what gives me excitement in life. I know it is also part of the reason I have been content not being in a relationship or even looking for one. I keep myself busy (and exhausted)!

Stepping into the influencer space and the eye of the public has been so weird for me as I am a pretty private person and in many ways an introvert. But all of the sudden there were thousands of eyes on me, so many opinions (positive and negative) from others and so many people telling me that “you’ve made it.” While I appreciate that comment as I take it to mean “good job”, I don’t think I have come close to making it and the notion that I have almost makes me laugh. Granted, I have made great strides considering that just five years ago I drove to LA with all my belongings in the back seat of my Hyundai Sonata, $2,000 to my name, and no clue to what I was in for. Blissfully ignorant! I worked so many jobs since landing in LA - waitress, retail, nanny, personal assistant, stylist intern - trying so hard to find my place and paying the price both mentally and physically from working 6 days a week, 13 hour days. So from that perspective I have made it SO far and I am SO proud of myself. 

But this post is not about what I have or have not done. Rather, it both about the aspects of being in the influencer space that people do not know or see and about the courage to make yourself uncomfortable.  

Stepping into the influencer space as an entrepreneur; developing and launching a major project (first my 21 day reset and now what is in the works); handling and managing money, contracts, and people; taking risks and leaps of faith; being vulnerable in the public eye; staying ahead of the curb; putting hope and trust into the future; teaching myself everything along the way is HARD! It is really HARD! Don't get me wrong, I love it and I love a challenge but no joke... it’s been a challenge. While my initial struggles after arriving in LA tested my perseverance and fortitude, what I am doing now is without a doubt my biggest and hardest test yet. “The job” just doesn’t sleep. I go to bed with it, wake up with it, and I have it with me on the weekends. Again, I love it. This is what I wanted, this is where I thrive and I am excited and dedicated to building my business up.

I describe “the job” this way not for your sympathy or understanding. Rather, I say this because until you enter this world you don't truly know what is in store for you. I had no idea myself! I would always look at entrepreneurial influencers and think “wow, they must have the life! I cannot wait until I am my own boss so I can workout and go to lunches whenever I want.” HAH! The reality is most days are so jammed packed I find it so hard to even post on my IG story. My hands are dirty, I get stressed, I worry, I make mistakes, I fix them. I carry a lot on my shoulders. I spend most of my time alone which means I must continually find ways to get out of my head and keep mentally strong. 

Everyone says this, but instagram is really a highlight reel. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me in the last two months that “I've made it”, I could quit everything right now and chill (kidding). While from an outside perspective it may look like I have made it, I am just getting started and it is scary and often very uncomfortable. And, you know, being uncomfortable is so uncomfortable (hah). But want to know what is worse? Being too comfortable. If you are uncomfortable it could be a sign that you are challenging yourself in ways that will cause you to grow, that you are testing your boundaries and overcoming your weaknesses. It likely means you are doing something right... remember that!

Anyways, I just wanted to share these reflections and thoughts with you. I love being open, vulnerable and honest with you and want to share more realness on this subject of perceived success as we almost always want to see the finished, successful product. But remember, behind any finished product there was a process, a lot of hard work, a lot of discomfort, and ultimately a lot of courage.

Keep striving and keep believing in you! Xx

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